In my next episode of Eavesdrop, I’m in conversation with Marriage and Relationship Coach, Adaeze Chiwoko.
In this interview, we discuss:
- Entrepreneurship
- Authenticity
- Bravery
- Resilience
- And of course… self-care!
Here’s a brief recap of our conversation. To hear the full conversation, give my podcast a follow on Podbean, Spotify, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts!
An Interview With Adaeze Chiwoko
Can you tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do?
“So, I would call myself an entrepreneur because I’ve dabbled in a few different things and I have that entrepreneurial spirit – but I’ve settled and been settled on being a marriage and relationship coach for a number of years now.”
So why did you get into marriage coaching? What was the push for you to start?
“You know, it was more than a push. It was more of like kicking, and prodding, and pulling… because I didn’t see the business in it at first.”
“My husband and I had come to this realization after a number of years of going from having a terrible marriage, working through stuff, and then creating this amazing marriage. I remember it must have been like year six of just being in marriage heaven, and we were like, gosh, this is so amazing. I wonder why, you know, people aren’t being very open.”
“So what we’d been through was infidelity. And we were like, wow, we turned this around and created something beautiful. We need to share because as we looked back, we could almost see this blueprint of what we did to make it work. So I was like, well, we should share. And my husband was like, well, share it. Tell the story. If it only helps one person, it helps one person.”
“So I did that. I went on Facebook and I was like, “hey my husband had an affair but it all works out in the end and we’re great so you could do it too”. And that video got a mass of attention (some of it negative, a lot negative) but a lot of it was really positive… people saying “oh my god thank you for sharing this”, hitting me up in my dms, asking more questions… and i was like okay, I can’t keep answering the same questions over and over again. I’ll just do a video.”
“And I was doing these videos and it was, you know, thousands and thousands of views. And I built up this online presence on Facebook of, I think it was around 18,000 followers back then. And then people would just come to me and say, well, can I just talk to you? And it’s kept happening. And one of my friends stopped and was like, look, you can’t just keep meeting these people and, you know, pouring out all this stuff. You’re going to have to look into what it is you’re doing and putting a fee around this.”
“And I started looking into it and I found this thing called ‘coaching’. And I was like, oh, is that sort of what I’m doing? And that’s how the journey started of me researching and studying and then getting certified and becoming an official coach.”
Wow. So basically you turned your pain into something powerful?
“Yes. I almost feel like I was supposed to go on that journey. And when I think back now to my younger years, teenage years, 20s, all of that growing up, I’ve always been the person that people go to. And I always was the person that had that wise word, right?
“Just in life, people have just come and been like, “would you be my mentor?” And I’m like, for what? So now I’ve put all the pieces together, and I realized that, sort of, this was the path that I was supposed to go on.”
Let’s talk a little bit about your social media because I know that on your socials you’re very direct, you’re very upfront with what you do – and some people will absolutely love that and some people will hate it. How have you had the resilience to keep going and posting?
“I stay mission-focused, and focused on that one couple that needs to hear what I’ve got to say. Thousands might think, oh, I hate what she said. But that one couple needed it.”
“So I just stay mission focused. And my mission is to touch a million married couples. I want to transform a million married couples. So I’ve got to keep spreading that word. And not everybody’s going to get it. But like I said, there’s a community of people that need it in the way that I deliver it.”
In your view, how important is it in business to set goals?
“Not only set goals, but set what you would think are unrealistic, crazy goals.”
“It’s this whole thing of shoot for the moon, and at least you’ll land in the stars, right? So if you’re only shooting for the stars, you might just end up in the clouds – but you know you wanted higher. So yeah, it’s setting crazy goals and being honest with yourself about a goal.”
“I do believe that if you can see it and feel it, it will come to you. But you’ve got to own your goal, not be afraid of your goal. It’ll be scary, but you’ve got to be like, well, this is the goal. And if it takes me a month, great. If it takes me a few more, takes me a year, this is what I want. And I think that’s what it is.”
“Just being really honest with yourself about what you really, if you took away the limitations, if you took away your fears, what do you really want? And that answer might be really scary, but you know what, put it down and accept it. That’s what I want. Accept it as the truth and own it.”
So self-care (we laugh)… how do you manage to keep yourself in tip-top shape and feeling good while running this amazing successful business?
“I’ve been rubbish at it. And my body’s telling me. My business is online mainly, I’m talking to clients on Zoom all the time. If I’m not sat down talking to them, I’m sat down writing messages and sat down writing emails… I’m just sat down. And before you know it, months, years go by and you look at yourself and you’re like, wait a minute, what happened here, right?”
“So there’s that side physically and even just health-wise, just recognizing that, yeah, stuff isn’t feeling the same.”
“And then emotionally, because of the work that I do, every three months I’m finding that I’m having a bit of a meltdown, where I have to go to my husband and get a really big hug. And he allows me to cry, and it’s because I’m releasing everybody’s, sort of, pain. And just realizing that I’m not doing enough for me to shoulder this.
“Also thinking ahead, like now my goals are international – you know, big platform speaking events, and I need to be very, very comfortable and happy in my skin to be able to do that.”
“It’s great that you’re bringing this up because I am literally in this season where I’m like, I have to look after me. For the mission that I’m on, I’ve got to make sure that I look after me. And self-care is a big deal.”
“For so long, we’ve been taught like, you’ve just got to hustle. Get your head down, get it done. And there’s mums and wives and they’re juggling everything… and you get this sort of message of, “I didn’t sleep last night because I work hard”… and that message is destroying us.”
Why do you think it’s important for women in business to support each other?
“Oh we so need each other. I don’t think I knew how important it was until I joined your group. I knew it was important – but you know when you when you actually feel in real terms, the benefits of it, which is what I get from the group. It really is the truth. Business can be lonely. Business can be very male-orientated.”
“So I think that having women supporting each other, is women saying “it’s okay to do it our way”. You know that day that you needed to take off because you started your monthly? It’s okay, we all get it too it’s all right.”
“And also I think that there’s something about another woman championing you, you know? Us championing, almost like loving on each other, that’s the way we do it, isn’t it? We kind of love on each other to success. Not compete to success, and I just think that’s so important.”
How can people connect with you?
“The best place is Instagram – I feel like I live there these days! So it’s Marriage4Real on Instagram as well as Facebook and my website www.marriage4real.co.uk. If you want to email me, it’s admin@marriage4real.co.uk.”
Catch the Full Episode!
This was just a snippet of my conversation with Adaeze! You can download and listen to the full episode by following the links below:
- Podbean: S5E2 – Showing up with authenticity in your business with Adaeze Chiwoko
- Spotify: S5E2 – Showing up with authenticity in your business with Adaeze Chiwoko
- iTunes: S5E2 – Showing up with authenticity in your business with Adaeze Chiwoko
Never miss an episode by subscribing to ‘Lily-Jo Presents: Eavesdrop’ on Podbean, Spotify, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts!
Further Resources on Authenticy, Bravery, and Self-Care
If you found this interview helpful, check out these additional recommended resources on authenticity, bravery, and self-care:
- Resilience Development Co’s article, Understanding and Embracing Your Authentic Self
- The Lily-Jo Project’s playlist, Top 20 Songs to Help You Find Your Brave
- The Lily-Jo Project’s article, What it Means to Be Resilient
The Lily-Jo Project’s self-care resource
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